Dorothy's Tears
by Pokeyonekenobie
Summary: "It's sad...a woman who can't cry." Those words still haunted her. Dorothy just didn't see what the point in crying was. It didn't change anything...did it? A one-shot written for the Endless Reflection Challenge. Complete.


**A/N: This is for the Endless Reflection Challenge.**

**I don't think this story needs any warnings.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing but if I did, I'd have fun with the pairings. Enjoy!**

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"It's sad…a woman who can't cry."

Trowa's voice rang in her head once again. It had been nearly 14 years since the wars and still the harshness of his words struck her as though he'd just said them.

"I _can_ cry…I just _don't_," she muttered to herself. "There's no point in it. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't make things better." She took a shaky breath. "It won't…it won't."

Dorothy curled up on the bed. Her stomach hurt. Her head hurt. Her eyes burned with the tears she refused to shed. It wasn't like this hadn't happened before. She thought about what she should do this time.

"I should probably just stop trying," she said bitterly. "Nothing's ever going to change and all this is doing is wrecking my body."

Her doctor had warned her that she could do permanent damage if she insisted on continuing. She hadn't cared at the time but now...

She wasn't as young as she used to be. That was part of the problem. But she hadn't been able to stay pregnant when she was younger, either. This was the eighth miscarriage. She'd been stupid to think that eventually _one_ of them had to stick. The doctors and specialists that had drained her inheritance couldn't give her an explanation. She was healthy, so they said. She was fertile, so they said. She shouldn't be having this kind of trouble. So _they_ said.

What did _they_ know?

_They_ didn't get their hopes up only to have them dashed to pieces. _They_ didn't have to call family and friends _again_ and tell them the bad news. _They_ didn't have to deal with her husband's disappointment.

Dorothy sighed. She wasn't being entirely fair. She knew her husband loved her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but she hated the sorrow that filled his eyes when she told him. When she'd told him she was pregnant this last time, he hadn't even been able to get excited about it. She didn't blame him. They both wanted a family and she was failing to do her part to provide it.

It was her fault.

She did everything the fertility doctor told her to do. She pored over pregnancy books and websites, following everything they suggested. She drove her husband nuts. She knew it. But they were both so desperate for a family that he didn't try to stop her. He did everything he could to support her.

She really didn't deserve him.

Especially after she'd stabbed one of his best friends with a fencing rapier.

He'd never held that against her, even though he probably should have. But that was probably Quatre's doing. The blonde had forgiven her almost immediately. Most people saw his kindness as a sign of weakness, but Dorothy knew better. Quatre's kindness gave him an inner strength that couldn't be defeated. Sure, he wasn't as physically strong as some of the other Gundam Pilots, but the Sandrock pilot had a will of iron. The will to survive and to fight for what he believed in made Quatre a formidable foe indeed.

Dorothy sighed and rolled over to check the clock. It was later than she'd thought. Her husband would be home soon. How was she going to tell him?

She closed her eyes. She didn't _want_ to tell him. It was too depressing. Maybe she should wait a day or two. Then she wouldn't be so upset herself.

"Dorothy? Babe? You okay?"

Dorothy opened her eyes. Had she fallen asleep? She glanced at the clock. She'd been asleep for nearly two hours.

She looked up at her husband. His cobalt eyes looked worried. She forced herself to sit up, even though she was still in pain.

Duo knelt next to her. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Dorothy shook her head. She didn't want to tell him.

Duo frowned and wrapped her in his arms. Her expression told him everything, even though she tried to hide it. He'd always been good at reading people, even though his wife was harder to read than most. "It's okay. It's okay," he soothed.

Dorothy wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Duo stiffened as her apology confirmed his suspicions and then held her even tighter. "It's not your fault."

"You always say that," Dorothy complained.

"And I always mean it," Duo told her softly. "This isn't something we can control. If the doctors can't tell us what's wrong, we just have to trust that it's God's will."

Dorothy pulled out of his arms and glared at him. "I thought the Bible says that we should have a family. That God commanded Adam and Eve to 'go forth and replenish the Earth.' We're _trying_ and _He_ won't let us!"

Duo took a deep breath. They'd been over this before. He should have known better than to bring it up again. Dorothy was always on the defensive after she lost a baby. He didn't blame her. She was upset and needed to lash out. He was there, so he was the target. He considered it part of his job as husband.

"I don't understand!" Dorothy cried. "We're doing _everything_ we're supposed to. I even go to _church_ now. You know Hilde and Heero don't go, but they have four kids. Quatre and Catherine don't go and he doesn't even follow the faith he was raised in anymore but they have six kids. Relena and Wufei didn't even get _married_ in a church and they have two. And Trowa and Sally? Twelve freaking kids! Rabbits have _nothing _on them. And we can't even have _one_! Why does God hate us?"

Duo stood up. "He doesn't hate us. It's just…not His plan for us, I guess."

Dorothy looked down. "I want kids, Duo. I want a family. I don't understand why it's wrong to want those things."

"It isn't wrong," Duo said softly. "It's good to want those things. I don't know why we can't have kids. Maybe…maybe we can't have kids of our own because we're supposed to adopt."

Dorothy looked up at him. "Why would I want someone else's brat?"

Duo flinched.

Dorothy's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Duo…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that."

Duo knelt down and wrapped her in his arms again. "I know. But is it really such a bad alternative?"

He'd never gotten adopted as a child. He'd had to fend for himself and hadn't had anyone he could call family until he met the other Gundam pilots. They'd had to make their own family. He could understand Dorothy's frustration. The others had managed to have kids and make even bigger families. Duo and Dorothy had been married longer than any of them and hadn't managed to bring one child into the world yet. And it hadn't been for lack of trying, either.

"I…I just…I wanted to have my own," Dorothy whined softly. "I wanted to know what it felt like to…to bring a life into the world. But I kill everything I touch."

"You haven't killed me."

Dorothy snorted. "Yeah, well, I tried hard enough during the wars."

Duo chuckled. "Yeah, you did. If Quat hadn't been using the Zero System you probably would've kicked our butts with those mobile dolls."

"Probably?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Duo laughed. "Okay, definitely." He looked at his beautiful wife, crazy eyebrows and all, and smiled at her. "We'll figure it out. If you want to keep trying, we can. I just hate to see you get upset every time this happens."

Dorothy looked back at him. "I don't want to keep failing. I…I'm not sure how I feel about adopting yet but…but I'll think about it."

Duo hugged her again. "You know, we could look at finding a surrogate. We can get some embryos made up and then have someone else carry them for us, if you want. I know that's what Noin and Milliardo ended up doing."

"I'll think about it," Dorothy said noncommittally. "I don't want to think about it right now, to tell you the truth."

"Okay." Duo held her. He wasn't usually at a loss for words, but being married to the feisty blonde had taught him when it was wise to keep his trap shut.

"I love you," Dorothy whispered.

"I love you," Duo replied. He kissed her. "And I always will. Even if we never have kids of our own. Even if we have to adopt and we end up with the brattiest brats in the entire universe. Even if Trowa and Sally have enough kids to start their own circus. Even if Heero and Hilde end up divorcing over her bad cooking. Even if Quatre goes crazy and Catherine has to put him in a straitjacket. Even if—"

"Even if Relena and Wufei take over the world and brainwash us all with speeches about peace and justice?" Dorothy interrupted with a giggle.

"Even brainwashed, I will _always_ love you," Duo confirmed.

He kissed her again.

Dorothy let herself melt into Duo's kiss. After the wars ended, she'd felt guilty about joining the White Fang. They'd nearly ruined everything. She'd been young and had bought into the propaganda that the world was better off destroyed. But once she'd had a chance to realize what White Fang was really trying to do and what destroying the Earth would mean, Dorothy had been penitent. Relena, being Dorothy's best friend, had immediately forgiven her. Quatre had been next. And between the two blondes, they'd convinced the others to give her another chance. Heero, Trowa and Wufei had snubbed her the most and Dorothy found excuses to leave the room when they came to visit Relena in the townhouse the two had shared back then. But Duo had sought her out. The Deathscythe pilot had gone out of his way to befriend her and bring her into their tight-knit circle. She hadn't been the only one surprised when he'd popped the question. When she actually accepted, she wasn't sure who had been more surprised, her or him.

It had been a beautiful day when they were wed. Duo had promised to love and cherish her in sickness and in health, in wealth or poverty, in joy and sorrow. And he had upheld his vows. Even when she was certain that she'd pushed him beyond his limits, he still loved her.

Duo released her lips and looked at his wife. Dorothy looked back at him and was surprised to see his eyes widen.

"Duo? What is it?"

He reached out and brushed something from her cheek. "Nothing. You're just so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the universe."

Dorothy threw her arms around him and let the tears flow. She felt the stress of the day flow out of her with each drop of water.

Crying really did have a way of making things better.

Maybe.


End file.
